September 09, 2004

The Heartland

There is something deep inside me that misses my home. Not the house I once had or lived in, but the land from which I came. This desert is not my domain. I miss the green of grass and trees. I miss waking up to an overcast morning or the sound of rain on the streets and dripping from the roof or flowing out of the gutters. I miss the colors of sugar maples and oaks. I miss humidity making my wavy hair stick to my forehead. I miss having friends over and watching the kids play ball using our three Elms as bases. I miss seeing the fields gravid with corn, wheat, and soybeans. I miss the gleam of the sun on a lake. I miss the taste of Bass fished from that lake. I miss the rolling hills that would put my babes to sleep on a Sunday afternoon. I miss people celebrating National holidays together, like Memorial Day, Labor Day, Fourth of July by grilling; having watermelon and ice-cream; and watching the children play in the sprinklers. I miss being close enough to family to decide on a whim for a weekend visit. I miss calling up a girlfriend to meet for a late night coffee and commiseration. I miss Missouri. This dry land will never be my home much as I try. My heart belongs to the midwest and always will. One day, my soul will be unfettered and will be comforted by her generosity again.

Posted by Rae at September 9, 2004 11:26 AM | TrackBack
Comments

Now that is some good writing! Sorry you are homesick. :(

Posted by: Randy at September 9, 2004 02:20 PM

Sorry you're so homesick.

My best friend lives in SC and we've never lived near each other. But there are times I really wish we were close enough to see one another whenever we liked instead of a few days every couple of years. I envy you your memories :)

Posted by: Ith at September 9, 2004 05:56 PM

At least you know that you will be going back....

Posted by: Amy at September 10, 2004 01:18 AM

{{{Rae}}}

That was beautiful, and touching. I feel the same way about my 'place' on the big blue ball.

My father passed his love of the land down to me, and it comforted me somehow after he died. I would walk the land he loved and think: "only the rocks live forever".

I also will go home again.

Posted by: pam at September 10, 2004 06:32 AM

At the risk of sounding repetitive, I'm going tell you that you sound like C.S. Lewis:

These things --the beauty, the memory of our own past-- are good images of what we really desire; but if they are mistaken for the thing itself, they turn into dumb idols, breaking the heart of their worshippers. For they are not the thing itself; they are only the scent of a flower we have not found, the echo of a tune we have not heard, news from a country we have never yet visited.
(The Weight of Glory)

This obviously resonates with what the author of the Epistle to the Hebrews tells about Abraham in Heb. 11:9,10, "By faith he went to live in the land of promise, as in a foreign land, living in tents with Isaac and Jacob, heirs with him of the same promise. For he was looking forward to the city that has foundations, whose designer and builder is God."

I can understand what you wrote very well. I also had to live away from my homeland once. But I was more fortunate, because I went to your country (not in Utah, thankfully :D), and I learned to love it and its people. If I had to live in, say, Bolivia, the outcome would be very different and far more challenging.

Rae, you are now in pain and sorrow, because you are a stranger in a strange, bizarre, barren land which you cannot call your own. You don't really long for Missouri; you long for home, as you state very well. But take confort. You will be at home one day; and meanwhile, may our Lord grant you the grace of living in a place you love, among the people you love, and doing the things you love, in Jesus' name.

Posted by: Eduardo at September 10, 2004 09:19 AM

Thank you for your thoughts, guys! And thanks for the compliments on the writing, too.

Eduardo- wow! C.S. Lewis- there can be no higher comparison :)

Thanks for your words of encouragement.

I often think of how I don't want to be like the Hebrews, grumbling, whining, complaining, malcontents and not see the blessing in what is coming because I am soooooo focused on here and now.

Posted by: Rae at September 10, 2004 09:45 AM

"I often think of how I don't want to be like the Hebrews, grumbling, whining, complaining, malcontents and not see the blessing in what is coming because I am soooooo focused on here and now."


Are you kidding? We ARE the Hebrews! They are us.

Posted by: Patrick at September 10, 2004 10:31 AM
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