September 19, 2005

Superficial Badges of Equality of Existence

There is one person in the last year that I have struggled to love. When I reference love, I reference the love of Christ, that unconditional love that so many misunderstand and misapply. I have wanted this person to feel pain, to be humiliated, to be shown truthfully to those to whom he lies. I have not desired only good for this person. In fact, I have beseeched heaven for his discomfort.

This is what I have learned: hate can begin with good intentions. I only wanted this person to not insist on winning to the detriment of others; for the sake of peace to concede that which he really didn't want; to not care how others may misperceive, but to conduct himself in a manner of humility, knowing he may be falsely accused. I wanted for this person to seriously consider those whom he was maligning for his own sake, and how it would eventually come full circle; to think of the suasion that he holds and exert it without malice rather than pointing fingers, blaming, misleading, lying.

I learned long ago in a home filled with leather couches, oriental rugs, the latest technology, the pomp of educational achievements on the den walls, people of position and influence flowing through and out our door, that people were blinded by things and by the appearance of good simply by the amount of material wealth a person displayed. Because this person has these things, they certainly aren't capable of misdoing. They are more believable. Why do we have the defendant wear her best dress when facing a judge and jury? We know the power the eyes have over the mind, over facts, over loyalty and sound judgment.

So, to quote not Lord Byron, or Keats, or any of the other pretentious poets that I so love, I go to a more recent man of rhyme: Will Smith.

"Let God deal with the things they do
Cause hate in your heart will consume you, too."

Let me not be consumed and so become that which I despise.

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April 08, 2005

Down Time

This morning my girls will awaken to the sun and cinnamon rolls. I think we will take a day to just be together in one another's presence. Life has been too hectic with the musical and will only be worse as we have Cue-to-cue tomorrow (in a rehearsal from 9 until 5).

Yes. That is just the ticket.

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April 01, 2005

Updated: Please comment. There is

Updated: Please comment. There is still one hour and fifteen minutes left. It can be done.

Beneath my banner is a button for the April 1st Commentathon for Breast Cancer, hosted by Greg in memory and honor of his wife, Cheryl. No matter my investigation, I can't see it though I am told that everyone else can.

I find it quite ironic and surreal that I have read so much about this woman's life and her death; her loves and triumphs; her strengths and the one thing that finally overwhelmed her body, but not without a tragic and Herculean effort to overcome, and just like her person, I am unable to see this banner in real time.

She is like a character in a well-written novel, when you reach the last page of the last chapter, you want more but mourn that there will be no more, no sequels, no more stories that empty your eyes, and split your sides, and pull your own heart out through your chest, forcing examination of things hidden and things treasured.

I am sure that each woman that reads through the tomes of Cheryl that Greg has meticulously collected and views the touching, sometimes funny photos in the image gallery, feels as if she would have been one of Cheryl's close friends. I attribute that connectedness to Greg's writing of his best friend, his lover, his partner in life. In presenting her as a human being, in sharing the intimacies of her fight against her body's rebellion, he has shown her to be uniquely herself, and yet presented her as every woman. Who wouldn't take the route that she choose, disallowing depressing talk, deeming it as aiding and abetting the enemy?

The story that he unfolds isn't just about her; however, but is inclusive of his own anguish, his own fears, his own fight for his beloved. I once queried Greg as to the number of male readers, guessing it be low. He approximates it at about ten percent of the readership. Through the display of his quieted and private fears as together they make decisions about Cheryl's treatment, he admonishes strength, requires fortitude of himself, and the men who read. In the ensuing questioning of the choice of such treatment, treatment that extended Cheryl's life, but did not, indeed, preserve it, he compels honest examination of the decisions that they made, and the support he lent his wife in the pursuit of her life, and how much he should have objected or demanded, or not done, or should have done.

I simply can't imagine not being here to see my daughters grow into women. The thought of facing it pains me. The fortitude with which Cheryl fought cancer from stealing their mother from her daughters, his wife from her husband, their daughter from her parents, the sister from her sister, the friend from her dearest friends, is astounding, inspiring, and so very sad.

Greg doesn't seek sympathy and that pity that comes from trite words, although he knows the intention of most people is to be kind. He seeks to find some resolution to his frustration, his sadness, the missing of his lover and best friend. He knows that there will never be a time when he doesn't think of her, and by writing hopes to ensure that no one else will either forget her luminous beauty that transcended physicality; that no one will forget her dogged determination to defeat the disease that sought to consume her.

The thing is, Cheryl wasn't just a well-developed character in a book. Her life, and her death were very real. Help do something about breast cancer. You don't have to run a marathon, a 10K, or go door-to-door, though all of those things are profitable. Go to Greg's site, California Hammonds, as soon as 12:01 A.M. PST and leave a comment. You may say as little or as much as you wish, but just do so. Cheryl was 36 years old when cancer finally devoured her body; it took five years. It will take you less than a minute to comment- less than a minute.

Read the post for today:

Read more Updated: Please comment. There is »

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Rae at 11:59 PM | Comments (2) | It's not about me | Knights of the Table
» California Hammonds links with: Cradled

March 20, 2005

Tom Kitten

I am convinced that the word on the street among those animals lost and abandoned, or simply locked out for the night, is to come here.

Last week, I was drawn to the garage by the meowing of a strange cat. Yes, those who have them know the distinct call of their pets, and this wasn't one of mine. We had left the garage door up and a male parti-colored tabby was crouching beneath R's latest toy, a 1983 Trans Am. Sam kept looking at Isabel, begging her to do something about this intruder before he lost his mind. Isabel, simply watched and waited. She is a cool, calculating defender and wisely conserves her energies for a true attack.

I squatted down to get a look at him. We meowed back and forth for a few minutes, and I quietly called to him, my hand extended. He sized me up, and then crept out, rubbing his head beneath my outstretched hand. I immediately noticed a stainless steel rod sticking out of his right shoulder. I petted him a moment, cooing and talking to him. Then I called R out to look at the rod. My voice startled the tom back to safety beneath the Trans Am. I called him out a second time and against my better judgment, attempted to pick him up. He gently, but firmly resisted and I let him go, although I held him long enough for R to get a look. He seemed to walk fine, so we determined that it didn't land there by accident and was some sort of bone stabilizer.

He chasséd out onto the driveway, turning to call me out with him. I followed. He took a turn around me, rubbing against my jeans. I quickly left him to retrieve two bowls, filling one with water, the other with food when I came back out to the garage. By then, he found shelter under R's truck. Again we played the lover wooing her beloved, and out he came. He ate a bit, stopping once to look up. I turned to see what was distracting him, and saw Isabel, sitting quietly a few feet away. He strolled over to her, misjudging her demeanor. She simply raised one paw, gave a slight, disconnected growl, and he left. He didn't run, but he moved away into the dark, just beyond the light of the garage, with only his eyes glowing and blinking at me.

The food was gone the next day, and so was he. I wondered who would take a cat to get his broken shoulder fixed, but not collar him, or neuter him. I know animals can get away, and it does cause concern and is out of our control sometimes. I only hope he was lost for a night, and was able to make his way home. If not, he knows where to come and I am sure that our reputation as an animal hostel has been secured.

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March 16, 2005

Parental Rights

Anything that Little Miss Attila writes is good reading.

Prompted by a recent discussion, which is already linked several places in the 'sphere, Little Miss has written why she disagrees with Parental Notification Laws. I am in support of them, and I thought I would invite myself to the discussion between Right Wing Sparkle and herself. Polite of me, eh?

Read more Parental Rights »

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February 17, 2005

My So-Called Life

Let's see:

Math: Teach four math lessons (E- fine; A- like pulling teeth; C- finds it fun; K-
number recognition and quantity association with the correct digit)
History: Barbarian Invasions/Viking reading projects for older girls
Read Leif the Lucky to younger girls; learn and play Viking
game akin to chess called Hnefatafl (nev-a-tah-full).
Reading: Lesson with K; phonics with A and C; E and A dual
purpose History project (reading and discussing this).
Science: Test for E; Review expected work to be
completed by A (astronomy- she loves this)
Chapter 3 continuation on trees with C (she hates this section)
Spelling/Vocab: E-loves vocab; A-interesting but hates all the writing associated
with it; C-finished with a series and ready to begin the newest.
It will be a little more challenging for her, and I expect some
frustration, but that will even out as she comes to know what
to expect.
Thinking Skills: Need to order E's newest book; A- Mathematical Reasoning
Through Verbal Analysis
(she loves it); C- needs Thinking Skills
Book 2
; K- ready to begin Primary Series
Physical Education: Swim Team four days a week.
Music: All girls practice for upcoming competition as well as Suzuki lessons;
must sit specifically with C and K to help them along. Must be available
to aid older girls as necessary.

P.S. Need to order ACT pretests for E to be prepared to take the ACT in April.

This and keeping up with the laundry of three people (R, E, and A do their own), meal planning and cooking, phone calls necessary to facilitate healthy finances, maintaining friendships and community activity; shall I continue?

And people admonish me to "get a job/career".....

(O.K. so I polished the post a little bit, but who doesn't spiff up when company is coming?)

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January 24, 2005

Roe v. Wade Not Gone Unnoticed

The anniversary of Roe v. Wade hasn't slipped by me without notice. I have been thinking and stewing and writing something that will be ready to share soon.

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December 27, 2004

Making it Real

When R and I went to visit his father in the nursing home last month, I could hardly contain myself. It was so hard to see this man that I loved so much. He appeared so different to me. We kept our visit short for the man who once loved the details and the time it took to give them. As we drove home, I recalled all the times that R and I had taken our first and second grade youth group over to the nursing home. I remembered the smiles we received from those whom we visited, and the comments of the children afterwards. It occured to me that all those people were special to someone- that the man was someone's father, grandfather, husband. That the stooped elderly woman was someone's mama, aunt, and daughter. It made me hope so much that someone is stopping in to sing a simple song, or share a homemade card, a pencil with a crossword book, the local newspaper, a home baked goodie, with my father-in-law. I hope that someone is standing in for me where I cannot be and for someone who I so love.

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December 20, 2004

Homeschooling Aid

Take the state placement challenge!

My first time, I got an average error of 5 miles, but took 321 seconds. The second time I went for speed and got an average error of 9 miles in 167 seconds. The third time...ah, that was the charm: less than 2 miles average error* in 137 seconds. Can anyone beat that?

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December 18, 2004

My Best Man

Roberta Flack, The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face.

I miss and love you, R.

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December 09, 2004


For the viewer from, if you are a benefactor, then I welcome your lengthy visits, if not, and malevolence is your plan, remember, I know every time you visit, for how long, what OS, all the pages you viewed, etc.

Domain Name ? (Educational)
IP Address 128.206.28.# (Various Registries)
Language Setting
Operating System Microsoft WinXP
Browser Internet Explorer 6.0
Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 6.0; Windows NT 5.1; SV1)
Time of Visit Dec 09 2004 10:20:31 am
Last Page View Dec 09 2004 11:36:22 am
Visit Length 75 minutes and 51 seconds
Page Views 12
Referring URL
Visit Entry Page
Visit Exit Page http://likethelangua...archives/2004_06.php
Time Zone UTC-6:00
CST - Central Standard Time
CDT - Central Daylight Saving Time
Visitor's Time Dec 09 2004 11:20:31 am

I sure hope that this isn't the brother of a certain someone because I thought that our families were friends and it would cut like a knife if you were surfing for ways to support his bizarre assertations. Show yourself in an honest, upright, Christian manner and if you want to know something, ask.

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December 08, 2004


Someone has been spending a substantial amount of time perusing my blog:

Domain Name ? (Educational)
IP Address 128.206.51.# (Various Registries)
Language Setting
Operating System Macintosh MacOSX
Browser Safari 1.2
Mozilla/5.0 (Macintosh; U; PPC Mac OS X; en) AppleWebKit/125.5.5 (KHTML, like Gecko) Safari/125.11
Time of Visit Dec 08 2004 5:32:16 pm
Last Page View Dec 08 2004 5:39:37 pm
Visit Length 7 minutes and 21 seconds
Page Views 2
Referring URL
Visit Entry Page
Visit Exit Page
Time Zone UTC-6:00
CST - Central Standard Time
CDT - Central Daylight Saving Time
Visitor's Time Dec 08 2004 6:32:16 pm

If the viewer is who I think it is, you will find nothing. Aboslutely nothing. Go home and look in the mirror.

However, if it isn't who I think it to be, I sincerely apologize. Welcome and come often, but be polite and civil.

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Urban Legend

Wanna hear a good one?

The latest rumor about moi is that I am a |e$bian (spoken only to a few people, but recall that slander is real). Why am I thought to be a |e$bian? Because I one time told my best friend that her body looked great after having had several children..

The reason this situation would be considered a defamation of character is because I am a Protestant, Conservative Christian (read: homo$exua|ity not acceptable), so for something to be whispered or loudly discussed about me that is not true and unacceptable in my specific culture and thus I could be viewed differently because of said lies, it is defamation of character. Everyday I go into a closet and come right back out exactly the same as I went in- hetero.

Uh-huh. Keep reaching. Look at the three fingers pointing right back at you.

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December 06, 2004

While respecting the privacy of

While respecting the privacy of a dear friend, I must say that it is absolutely killing me to not be able to help her in her hour of need.

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November 06, 2004

Many Thanks

I can't thank Steve and Robert enough for linking Lt. Col. Bellon's letter. Due to Bill at INDC reading their blog, he linked it also, and now at least 450 people have come to read his letter of truth, written with such passion and urgency, for themselves.

And, as always, the ever-faithful King of Fools, deserves credit for consistently linking Dave's letters. Blackfive consistently links to Dave's letters, too. And I definitely appreciate his admonition while linking this one, as well.

Newcomer to me, Random Nuclear Strikes, also found post room to link Dave's letter. Thank you, as well.

Also, thanks to "Applesweet" who hyperlinked the letter over at Little Green Footballs.

A few private forum viewers also found his letter interesting.

Please go and read all of Dave's letters at the site his parents maintain for him, The Green Side. As Dave is a personal friend of ours, anytime he sends a new letter home, his parents are very kind to forward it on to us (and numerous other friends and family members of Dave's) as well as posting it on the site.

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Rae at 01:11 PM | Comments (5) | It's not about me
» The LLama Butchers links with: Letters from Fallujah

November 03, 2004

The Sound of Rushing Wind (Altoids Gum chewed for your comfort)


Kris , the ever faithful friend, kept me abreast of all the latest election news via telephone as we only have high-powered rabbit ears and broke-down dial-up.

Celebrate good times (Read the comments and see what Jeff has officially declared for November 4th- credit at last!), come on!

Looks like La Shawn and I can both breathe now.

Now, be nice because the respectable thing has been done.

And Jeff nicely sums it up, too.

P.S. Love this from Andy (warning of, umm, "language").

Updated: CD has a terrific winning slogan.

Updated 2: Zombyboy has weighed in (finally - been waiting ;)

Updated 3: Good point, Margi. :::Shiver:::

Updated 4: I'm a little late catching this, but Val made me laugh.

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November 02, 2004

Waiting to Exhale

Whew! Now I can at least live with myself should He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named win.

P.S. It's very hard to type while holding your breath.

P.S.S. To the jerk who kept sighing and groaning as I shared and educated my daughters on the election and voting process: I hope your chads were left hanging.

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October 18, 2004


I am working on something.....

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September 30, 2004


My heart is heavy with something that I cannot share at this time, but will in the near future....It is like an anvil in my chest; and I feel too weak to attempt to remove it as even the thought of the strength required is draining.

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August 17, 2004


For those who believe that prayer works (i.e. no skeptics need apply), please pray for my "dad." This family has loved me like their own child these past 20 years. I have called them "mom" and "dad" because that is what they have been to me.

He has Prostate Cancer. Apparently there are stages, and his is high. My heart is heavy with concern.

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May 25, 2004

Knowledge without Wisdom is Useless

This EXTP girl leads with her senses and intuition. This means that I sometimes make decisions with facts and personal experience, and other times I let my intuition decide for me.

This morning in my daily conversation with Kris we discussed that N's (those who are intuiting) and F's (those who are feelers) can sometimes justify what they think is right by feelings and thoughts or be more easily swayed by another's thoughts or feelings. This is because we are more abstract thinkers. We are the "what if"-ers of this world. Concrete thinkers are the "this has happened so this is how it is" or "the rules say so, so it must be" of the world. Apparently 60% of the nation is concrete. That leaves 40% of us abstract. I know that statistics aren't the best measure of anything, but they are all I have to go on, so I am using them.

Feelers have to be careful in their friendships or at least their understanding of them. Emily at I Don't Think once wrote a post that discussed that just because she has these virtual discussions with people, some daily, it doesn't make them her friends. For example: I may have polite encouraging discussions with people on my site, but I am not that friend and neither are they mine. When I read this, I wasn't sure what to think. My interactions as of late have helped me along with this thought. Just because we comment on one anothers blogs; just because we might e-mail occasionally, doesn't make us "friends." Now, I can name a few that I truthfully feel (intuiting) and know that were we to actually meet and be able to physically spend time together (shopping, dinners at my house, lunches out, telephone conversations) we would be "friends." So, there are some that I think of as such, but in reality, with the rest we just have similar thoughts and have a mutual enjoyment of one another's opinions. This doesn't equate to the committment of a real relationship. To R I am committed; to my children I am committed; to Kris, Eddie, Flaca, Kelli; my extended family, but not you who read my thoughts, share my political lean, like my anecdotes of family life. Quite simply: typing my personal thoughts into a program that then publishes them on the world wide web for anyone to read doesn't equal friendship, and neither does my perusal of your published diary or political diatribes mandate my devotion to you. I think sometimes people think that and I know that I have allowed myself to think the same; in fact, most recently. So, now that I have wrongly intuited and wrongly sensed, I won't be making that mistake again. It may take both to teach me, but I do retain and rarely forget a lesson learned.

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May 11, 2004

A Short Story Long on Meaning

A couple of years ago, while driving home from some weekend trip, I scanned the channels on the radio. The clearest one was a "weekend edition" of some Christian broadcast. Several women were sharing the pain of their decision to abort. They all regreted it and desperately wished that they wouldn't have made the choice that they did.

All of the stories were touching. One story that is very familiar to me, I will share.

Read more A Short Story Long on Meaning »

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April 25, 2004

(Not) Going to the Chapel

Having seen my own mother widowed at 30, I sometimes contemplate things that perhaps I may not have.

R has my permission and blessing to remarry should I die.

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April 15, 2004

I don't mean to say, but wait, maybe I do...

There are really very few people that I come into contact with that I struggle to like. The only requirement I have is transparency; as in "be yourself." In my entire life, I can think of two people who I really and truly didn't like because they were the fakest people I ever knew. I could never really put my finger on it- was I jealous of these two women? I mean they had "everything:" a high paying career; a nanny that came to the house; a housekeeper; a company car; a gorgeous home; designer clothes; "position" in society of a small town. No, it really wasn't that. Well, O.K. maybe a little bit (who doesn't want someone else to clean?), but really, I made some choices a long time ago, too. Such as:

Read more I don't mean to say, but wait, maybe I do... »

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April 08, 2004

Mercy Triumphs Over Judgement

I don't typically tub during daylight, but as I was feeling rather ill yesterday, I decided to fill my bath and soak for a while. I knotted my hair and stepped in. It was quiet and I watched the water moving around my body. I stared at my laquered glittering toes (shattered pink); the sound of nothing soothing me.

I know where I got this ripping sore throat.

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