ONLY HER SANDBLASTER KNOWS FOR SURE

Just all the white chicks are doing dreads

Hi there, I'm Anne Lamott, author, activist, certifiable moonbat, a Christian who leaves room in her heart to hate George Bush. Maybe my readers remember this gem?

"So much has been stolen from us by Bush. A friend called & I remembered something she'd said reading an article about Hitler's affair with his niece. 'I have had it with Hitler!' Peggy said, throwing the magazine to the floor. And I have had it with Bush."

"John Paul II, for all of his disastrous policies, apologized a few years ago to the Muslim community. He said, in the presence of Muslims, Every single one of the Crusades was a mistake, & I am sorry. Then he went into a Mosque, & kissed the Koran. This sharp spiritual vision takes my breath away."

The thing is, as a liberal Marin chick, I searched long & hard before settling on the single most unflattering hairstyle I could find. I think my dreads make me look like Halle Berry.

And white folks' dreads are unique, like something the plumber snaked out of your bath drain, or those spongy globs your cat coughs up. They also demonstrate your solidarity with the dispossessed. You too can have white dreads, it's easy!

• 1. Don't wash or comb hair for 6 months.


• 2. To promote matting, go down to beach every morning & flop about in sand like a spawning salmon. Certain beneficial organisms will take up residence in your hair, forming a synergistic follicular ecosystem.


• 3. Once your dreads start to form crusted stalactites, you can shape them with a chisel or electric sander.