Never Again

Updated: Texasbug and I are on the same page (literally).

In 2001, we had just moved into one our most favorite homes. One of my friends had offered to come by with a house-warming present of Coconut Cream Pie. I obliged her. We feed the children "fun foods" and afterward, while they played dress-up, we enjoyed our own lunch of loaded baked potatoes. Between bites of potato swimming in butter and bejeweled with chives and bacon bits and sips of sweet iced-tea, we caught up. After the local news, she mentioned how she hadn't been able to sleep since hearing of that woman in Texas who drowned all of her children. My eyes widened. Believe it or not, we don't pay for television and rarely watch it. The USA Today hadn't been delivered and the NPR station I listened to broadcast ATC earlier in the morning than I rose. I was in the dark. As she filled me in on the details, I became physically sick. I excused myself and went into the bathroom and alternately wept and wretched. After about fifteen minutes, I returned to the table. The conversation never did return to pleasantries, though it wasn't from lack of trying.

When she left, I immediately googled the information. What I read made me heart twist and my stomach once again lurch. In the coming weeks I was disgusted with the attempts of NOW to excuse her actions as due to the difficulties of parenting. There had been plenty of times in my mothering career that I was exhausted, overwhelmed, and frustrated. I didn't methodically drown and lay my children out, and calmly call the police and then my husband. I put the children down for a nap; I put them in the car and went for a drive; I ate cake; I took a nap; I read a book; I surfed the internet. I left them with my husband while I escaped to a movie, wandered Wal-Mart alone, or had coffee with a friend. I talked to him, cried to him, saught solace and commiseration with him and my women friends. This was the act of a very sick woman. After reading more, I knew what this was about.

There is a portion of the Christian culture that believes, wrongly believes, that a woman is to submit to her husband without question, without discussion. When I read that Rusty Yates induced his family to living in a broken down bus; and knowing his wife's battle with post-partum depression, encouraged her to go off of her meds and to have more children and in doing so recklessly ignored the advice of a professional psychiatrist, I made my judgment right then. A man who truly loves his wife ("as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her") would not ask his wife to sacrifice her health or the well-being of their children. Convenient for him to supply a 350 foot renovated bus for her to be home alone all day with four children while he went off to an office everyday and interacted with adults. Not only did he subject her to such wretched living conditions, he further isolated her in declaring homeschooling as the only God-approved method for educating their children. The physical solitude to which he now confined her undid the last shred of sanity she possessed. He continually ignored the advice of medical professionals (as fundamentalist extremists often do, as the culture encourages distrust of government and those of higher education and subscribes to conspiracy theories) and concerns of her family.

I decided who the true culprit was. I couldn't believe that he could not see his own heavy-handed contributions to her eventual mental decline and psychosis. When R and I considered home educating, my ability to cope was the biggest concern. R wanted a sane mother and emotionally healthy children above anything else. When I told him that I couldn't have anymore children without losing my mind, he agreed and dutifully called the urologist. Anytime someone declares God has revealed to them the only way in which to rear children, or conduct your marriage, or manage the minute details of your daily living, I am suspicious.

All that said, I agree with Jeff's analysis. Andrea Yates was not in her right mind. The reports of her response to her actions when she has been consistently treated while imprisoned proves that to me. She is astonished, astounded, ashamed, and disgusted with herself. She is remorseful. I think Andrea should have been placed in a mental facility and treated by a psychiatrist and with medications. To Jeff's thoughts, I add one more thing: it is Rusty Yates that I think should have been imprisoned. My belief system induces me to believe that both will somehow be held accountable in some measure and to some degree, but I can't help but think that Mr. Yates, as one in a position of leadership and influence, will recieve a heavier sentence. At least the thought comforts my soul. And that's my final answer.