This Thursday I will be flying to Los Angeles to participate in The Larry Elder Show. It is nationally syndicated and I am sure that as it is taped, it will televise later in the year. The topic of the discussion is going to be why choosing to rear your own children over placing them in daycare while you pursue a career is better, ultimately for the family and the children. At least, that is the perspective I will carry into the conversation.
It is a subject on which I frequently dilate and have confidence in so doing, but the thought of being on camera mortifies me- can you say extremely nervous? Yesterday I attempted to watch the show and my stomach got queasy just thinking about being up there.
I have set up some security safety nets for the identity protection of my family. E jokingly told me this was her vicarious "big chance" and that I just needed to take along a glossy 8x10 of her, look right into the camera, and give her contact info and theatre history. In serious thought about doing this, I came to several conclusions: 1) There is a paradigm that when a woman opts to care for the child(ren) that she conceived, delivered, and is ultimately responsible for "full-time" (i.e. no other "care giver"), that she must lose her identity in doing so. Why do we think this way and what has contributed to this archetype? I am certainly not the beau ideal, but I think that we need to look for the windows and doors in a room instead of seeing the walls. 2) The thought also prevails that the women who choose to be home full-time have wealthy husbands that provide the measure needed to be there. I don't deny that can be true in many circumstances, but I have found it to be the exception, not the standard. Many women give-up the pursuit of driving new cars, having custom built homes, new furniture, designer clothes, name brand grocery/household products, power lunches, reward trips to Hawaii or Cancun. R and I made the decision and then acted. The principle decided the action. We could wait for those things, but felt that instilling our values and world view, taking the most malleable time of our children's lives, could not wait; would not be put off or allowed a paltry three to four hours a day, plus weekends.
Why not take my wonderful, unique self and instead of pouring it into a company whose ultimate goal is to be profitable for the shareholders, or if a private company, one person/family, and disembogue my greatest energies into the souls of four permanent human beings? When I choose to "stay-at-home" I sacrifice my potential career, and at what cost? Delayed monetary gain? When a woman chooses a career, what is she choosing to sacrifice for it? And at what cost?
I am not saying that a woman cannot be a good mother should she decide to pursue a career while she has young children. But, your children only have one mother. You only have this opportunity to be with them. Is it hard? You bet. Exhausting? Absolutely. Regrettable? Momentarily. Redoable? Sorry, no.
Opportunity passed along from Jo, via Nathan. Thanks....I think?
Posted by Rae at February 22, 2005 08:59 AM | TrackBackI'm glad you were able to make contact and get on the show. I hope it works out well.
...why they don't care about homeschooling fathers is beyond me...[grumble, grumble, moan, complain]
Posted by: Nathan at February 22, 2005 09:46 AMCongrats Rae. Cheryl and I had this discussion so often. We have done it both ways, and despite the media's efforts to equivocate between working moms and stay-at-home moms, there really is no comparison. Cheryl often said she was thankful for her disease, because it made it easier for her to stay at home and be with her child(ren), and for us as a team to support it.
Posted by: Greg at February 22, 2005 10:38 AMKewl!
Posted by: Ith at February 22, 2005 10:56 AMWow Rae congrats!!!! I hope you do well, Ahh what am I saying, you will do great! You have always liked a good debate and I will surely tune in when it airs. Congrats again. Love ya, Sally
Posted by: sally at February 22, 2005 11:07 AMI know you will do GREAT!
Posted by: Randy at February 22, 2005 12:35 PMThat's outstanding!
And to think we knew ya when. . . ;)
Posted by: Craig at February 22, 2005 12:47 PMWow! You will be fantastic! I know you say that your tounge gets you into trouble sometimes, but you have a gift of being able to speak your mind and argue well. I on the other hand have a difficult time trying to figure out how I feel much less communicating it to someone.
Posted by: Amy Jo at February 22, 2005 10:02 PMAren't you even going to mention that by "participate in the Larry Elder Show" you're actually in seat 10 of row G in the audience? ;-)
Posted by: David at February 23, 2005 12:57 PMI'm so happy someone is going to bat for staying home and bringing up kids - like traditional mother's once did - like my mom did for me. I wrote about this same thing in my blog.
http://underdogpov.blogspot.com/2005/02/women-of-greatest-generation.html
I also write about working hard to be like the greatest generation - the people who survived the depression and won WWII.
But I lost readership because no one wants to read about working hard, or being responsible.
I'm just so glad I happened upon this website today. It restored my faith!
Thank you and good luck in L.A. Wish I could join you! I fear you may be alone in your opinion. But my prayers are with you.
Posted by: Underdog at February 23, 2005 01:05 PMThis is just too cool! Just remember deep breathing exercises before you go on. Helps a lot. Once on and talking, focus on talking to the host as if you were having a conversation in your living room. Remember to try and smile. People not use to being on camera tend to have a what looks like a dour face. You can even deep breathe onstage, just make it subtle so people can't tell. And be ready to have your answers as consice and brief as possible. TV time goes by very fast.
Posted by: Rightwingsparkle at February 23, 2005 07:32 PMBe sure to really "tell them!" Have a great time and "then" be sure to tell us when it's televised! :)
Posted by: chrys at February 24, 2005 03:33 AMRae: Great news ! hope you have a great time at the show.
Posted by: Eduardo at February 24, 2005 05:01 AMThank you all :D
And thanks RWS for the tv tips. I was just trying not to give-in to wretch from nervousness.
Posted by: Rae at February 24, 2005 08:28 AMIt is strange to think that she is doing this. Please pray for her safety and effectiveness in the message. These talk shows can be brutal.
Posted by: R at February 24, 2005 06:58 PMIm suppose to be on the show Friday...deciding tomorrow..Ive been on Donahue and a few others years ago and swore Id never go on again..Never say never....any tips..hardly watch the show....Don't know him well...whats the audience like....hopefully not like Springer..or I won't show..let me know ...on both please..I got very nervous too on Donahue but it was a good high!
Thank You So Much...sorry it was about all me!!!!!
Mark Anthony
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