Today a list of my

Today a list of my inanimate
friends: Food is my friend! It is always available. Just a drive or phone call
away. I can look at it, make it, eat it, throw it out. It is completely
convenient for me. I absolutely love it. It satisfies my deepest longings and
cravings. It can be spicy and hot or smooth and cool. Those magic underwear that
suck me in and make me feel like I look 10 pounds thinner. Until I have reached
a higher spiritual plain (aka Heaven), then I do care and will continue to care
about my weight and how I look in clothing. No article I read or speaker I hear
will convince me otherwise. I wish that I could be above it, and sometimes I am,
but most of the time, I am not! So, leave me alone about it. Long live magic
underwear! Polyester is my friend. I never have to iron it or straighten out its
problems. Thus it doesn't inconvenience me or cause me struggles. Cleans right
up! All different shapes and sizes and colors available. So, it is thus
versatile and never the same! Always fits and never sinches me up (that's the
magic underwear's job). Make-up! No nazi-feminists need respond to this one. I
don't care if you think it's some underground conspiracy to kill off women. I
love it and will continue to wear it. Skin-smoothing, light-reflecting,
wrinkle-hiding, lip-plumping, pore-shrinking make-up! There, now that I have
declared myself to be completely materialistic and totally self-absorbed and
udderly lacking any depth to my character, I will go and think of something much
more serious and far less shallow to discuss and get back with you, made-up,
with a brownie, and sitting in my magic underwear with a terrific little skirt
and shirt on (or is it blouse if polyester?)