I don't mean to say, but wait, maybe I do...

There are really very few people that I come into contact with that I struggle to like. The only requirement I have is transparency; as in "be yourself." In my entire life, I can think of two people who I really and truly didn't like because they were the fakest people I ever knew. I could never really put my finger on it- was I jealous of these two women? I mean they had "everything:" a high paying career; a nanny that came to the house; a housekeeper; a company car; a gorgeous home; designer clothes; "position" in society of a small town. No, it really wasn't that. Well, O.K. maybe a little bit (who doesn't want someone else to clean?), but really, I made some choices a long time ago, too. Such as:

1)Being a wife (not just a companion-just as I count on R to bring home the bacon *can't help but to snicker here as he is in the swine production business* he expects me to fry it up in the pan) to my husband. See, he has some responsiblities, too. But wait, working to support six people isn't too hard, is it? It seems like women these days want to bitch about everything their husband isn't doing, but can he point to some areas of "Wifedom" that need improvement? Uh-uh! No sir! Can't touch that!

Please, I am not saying that men aren't sometimes jerks (go through my archives), but why is that a woman can call a man an ass for leaving his boxers on the floor, but he can't say a word about her bras hanging on the doorknob? I think feminism has gone beyond saying firmly, but nicely, "Equal Pay for Equal Work" to saying "We can say anything we want about men because we have so suffered simply because we are women." My husband is a white male. Right now that is the most maligned, stereotyped character in media. He's baaaaaaad because he is white and male. It's been easy for him- right? He has had it all handed to him on a silver platter, right?

So, I took my vows, and for better (sorry you don't get all the details) or for worse (nor those), I am R's wife and he is my husband; we are each other's best friends, but we have obligations in our roles and friendship. It isn't a perfect union, but it is a committed one.

2)Being a mother. Wait, not just a mom, but a "stay-at-home-mom." I have always hated that phrase. I know that some women really do have to work to put food on the table (my mom was one of them) and to shelter their families. But, there are women who claim to work for necessity of provision, while really doing so for "personal satisfaction." What's wrong with that? Nothing. But just say so. Don't pretend that if you didn't make your six figures you wouldn't be able to eat. Just say, "I work because I like having nice things. I want a house in this section of town. I like working because it gets me away from the children. I work because I feel like I am using my mind when I do." I can respect that, even if I disagree with your personal choices, because it's honesty. Hiding pretentiously behind the curtain of women working hard to make sure their children have clothes is, in truth, despicable.

So, I chose to not put my child in daycare. I chose instead to live (not so succesfully, a times) within the means of whatever R made. That meant that the only Baby Gap on my girls backs was from the yearly city-wide garage sale. That meant that we had used cars and my wonderful personal gearhead tuned and mechanic-ed and they never broke down. That meant that yellow-labeled cans were a staple on my shelf. R always made me proud when he would say, "I may not drive the newest car on the block, but I sure do eat well." For a long time we rented a home and had "college furniture" well past our college days. I nursed my babies because I was convicted it was the best thing for them, but it helped that it saved money, too. I used cloth diapers and line-dried them. That saved on store-bought diapers and electricity. I still miss hanging a load of fresh clean diapers in the sun and seeing them blowing like flags announcing the innocence within the household. I am not better, but I can look back and be very content with my choices. I have no regrets. While I didn't live high on the hog, the point is that I lived. It wasn't easy. I sometimes hated aspects of it. I came from well-to-do and this was challenging, but I was determined to do what was best, not the most convenient. I am not saying that women who do it just like I did are better, or that the women who didn't are worse, I am just saying that the best things to do aren't always the most fun or the ones that make our lives "easier." I don't think that it's the government's job to help anyone with childcare. I had these kids and it's my responsiblity to care for them- employed or otherwise.

3)Home educating. Yes, this is a touchy one. First, I am not a Homeschool Nazi. I think that the masses are generally going to be publically educated, but I think it is for the state to govern, not the federal government. No, I don't have any more patience than the next woman (ask my children- sometimes mommy is grumpy). But when you know in your heart and head that something is right to do, you do it. No, we don't make a million bucks. We do o.k. Again, I don't drive the newest car on the block and not doing so allows money to purchase curriculum. My girls are darn smart. It makes me quite proud to know that not only did I contribute genetically (nature) but I also teach them myself (nurture). They aren't perfect and neither am I, but we really know each other and I can guarantee that they will walk away from this home prepared to be thinking, active citizens that are positively engaged with their families, communities, and nation. It isn't any easier than anything anyone else does. Some days I love it; some days I wish they were all going to public school so that I could have a day to sew or blog or read.

What prompted all these thoughts? Myrna Blyth's terrific new book Spin Sisters: How the Women of the Media Sell Unhappiness and Liberalism to the Women of America. And I quote: "Blyth persuasively argues that today's media bombards American women- the most prosperous, healthiest, well-educated, and privileged group of women ever- with constant messages of unhappiness and victimization. And that these effectively crafted messages also push and promote a liberal political agenda that the Spin Sisters share." She and Caitlin Flanagan are some of my favorite people to read. They don't pick sides in the issue of whether or not to stay at home or seek employment; rather, they admonish women to buck-up and shut-up about the choices they do make. And stop blaming the men and start communicating honestly and considerately with them (just the way you wish to be communicated with).

Tirade passed; none forecasted again in the near future.