Insomnia

I...am...so...tired. All I really want is to sleep. You see, I try to be a good neighbor. I mean, who wants a neighbor that is always complaining to you about things, um, like your boys dropping a big stick and a few good sized rocks down a pipe in your yard and it causing the plumber to visit (and we all know how cheap that is); or perhaps always complaining about your dog leaving his calling cards in the front yard?

When my neighbors delivered their first child and stayed up on the deck until 4:30 in the morning talking and talking and talking and talking and talking...

and talking about it, I didn't say anything, I mean I was excited when my first child was born. When you had a fight on the deck so the step-children wouldn't hear, I understand. R and I take our "discussions" elsewhere sometimes, too, just not at two in the morning and with crashing Tequila bottles, but hey, you know....I know that a really good CD is great to crank, but we try to do it during the daylight, not midnight. I said nothing then because we all get a little excited about music sometimes. When the neighbor got a two week break from National Guard Officer training camp for Christmas and stayed outside talking on the phone in seemingly one-sided conversations until 3:30 in the morning, I didn't say anything, I mean, you know it was Christmas and he was getting a break from training for being a weekend warrior. Hey, R was one of those at one time, so I understand.

I have borne it well. I admit that I have entertained ideas of returning the
presents that the dog leaves (nicely packaged and tied around his neck, too). I
even gave the baby and mom a gift and congratulated them. I signed the card with wishes for them to "return to quiet nights again soon," but I think they thought I was speaking of the child sleeping through the night, not themselves as they laughed sweetly and put the card in the gift bag. I thought about purchasing Muzak and placing it outside at 6 A.M. to give them a bit of atmosphere with their hangover, er, coffee. But I think it gets bad when one beautiful Saturday afternoon, I step out back to chat with R while he installs a steering column (a bit o' quality time) and hearing the neighbor's voice over the fence, I cringe. I freeze and all my muscles become tense; my jaw is clenched and my fists are closed tight and I have difficulty breathing. I just can't stand to hear that voice anymore. It signifies lack of sleep due to hearing all the stuff a
neighbor just shouldn't hear directly from their neighbor's lips, speakers, or
see coming from their dog.

So, tonight, another night when I was so looking forward to sleep- I am really tired, really tired, O.K? Did you have to have a two hour conversation on the deck about all the ways to get grass on your lawn? I closed the window. I could still hear you. I went away for an hour- you were still on the phone ("sod vs. hydroseeding"). I put towels around the window sill; still I could hear you. Stop talking! Go inside!I....can't....take.....it....any.....longer..........SHUT UP!!!!!!!!