There is one person in the last year that I have struggled to love. When I reference love, I reference the love of Christ, that unconditional love that so many misunderstand and misapply. I have wanted this person to feel pain, to be humiliated, to be shown truthfully to those to whom he lies. I have not desired only good for this person. In fact, I have beseeched heaven for his discomfort.
This is what I have learned: hate can begin with good intentions. I only wanted this person to not insist on winning to the detriment of others; for the sake of peace to concede that which he really didn't want; to not care how others may misperceive, but to conduct himself in a manner of humility, knowing he may be falsely accused. I wanted for this person to seriously consider those whom he was maligning for his own sake, and how it would eventually come full circle; to think of the suasion that he holds and exert it without malice rather than pointing fingers, blaming, misleading, lying.
I learned long ago in a home filled with leather couches, oriental rugs, the latest technology, the pomp of educational achievements on the den walls, people of position and influence flowing through and out our door, that people were blinded by things and by the appearance of good simply by the amount of material wealth a person displayed. Because this person has these things, they certainly aren't capable of misdoing. They are more believable. Why do we have the defendant wear her best dress when facing a judge and jury? We know the power the eyes have over the mind, over facts, over loyalty and sound judgment.
So, to quote not Lord Byron, or Keats, or any of the other pretentious poets that I so love, I go to a more recent man of rhyme: Will Smith.
"Let God deal with the things they do
Cause hate in your heart will consume you, too."
Let me not be consumed and so become that which I despise.
Posted by Rae at September 19, 2005 08:19 PMThat, my friend, is true Grace. And if you can achieve it, you're a better man than I am. ;o)
Actually, joking aside, it's far better for your health and well-being to do so. I know you will succeed.
Posted by: Margi at September 20, 2005 08:46 AMP.S. That Will Smith song makes me cry, every time. I think it's because I think of my baby sons when I sing it. :)
Posted by: Margi at September 20, 2005 08:47 AMMargi, grace is what we have all been given and aspire to, and my friend, I doubt a human alive has fully internalized it. We are frail.
"Just the Two of US" touches me, as well. Especially lately, several lines just make me weep. But I really like it, and the man who wrote it.
Healthy momma and baby blessings for you, Margi.
Posted by: Rae at September 20, 2005 08:59 AMTruer words were never uttered.
Beautiful Rae.
But still, in the darkest parts of the night when the heart is torn open, it seems there are not enough prayers in the world to overcome the bitterness.
I admire your strength and dignity.
I do my best to handle things the same.
I am far less successful.
Posted by: Tricia at September 20, 2005 09:05 AMDarn it! ::: metaphorically (sp?) pulling the end of my Monte Blanc Pen out of a voodoo doll :::
I hate hate ... and unrighteous anger ... because it just breeds itself and is so ... energizing ... prideful.
::: convicted :::
Very eloquently written, Rae.
The issue of grace versus justice is something I struggle with, even though words can't express how grateful I am for the grace I have experienced in my own life.
You are absolutley right, unconditional "agape" love is about the most difficult to thing to internalize so that it can radiate outward again. One moment of each day at a time.
Posted by: Audrey at September 20, 2005 12:46 PM"And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you."
- Nietzsche
Of course, he also had that "God is dead" quote, so I can understand why you might not have wanted to use the abyss one.
Hate can get tiresome, and makes your emotions beholden to the other person's existence; besides, indifference is easier and will irritate them more.
Posted by: andy at September 22, 2005 02:52 PM
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