November 04, 2005

As a rock in stream has its edges smoothed by water propelled by time and force, so I find the memories as the one I posted last night. I don't think about these things everyday. They are a part of me and will never be gone; the points having been polished don't cease to exist, they simply find a different existence.

Posted by Rae at November 4, 2005 08:26 AM

I don't think the "experts" will ever know what that kind of abuse can do to a child's soul.

Some don't do so well in their adult years because of it.

Some, like you, instead choose to use it as a lesson on how NOT to be a parent.

I know, baby girl. Don't ask me how I know -- I just know. And you know what else I know without knowing? You're doing a marvelous job.

Hugs and love on ya,

Posted by: Margi at November 4, 2005 12:13 PM

Yeah, ditto what Margi said. My mum was abused by her adoptive mother, and despite the horrors, she went on to be a pretty well put together human being. She tells me that even now, in her 70s, that something will trigger a memory and it was like yesterday.

Posted by: Ith at November 4, 2005 12:32 PM

"As memory may be a paradise from which we cannot be driven, it may also be a hell from which we cannot escape."
-John Lancaster Spalding

So true are those words. No matter how hard we try to forget all the bad memories, they are with us until we die. Its the good ones we make with people we love that get us through the days ahead.

Posted by: Sally at November 5, 2005 08:16 AM

I don't really feel that these memories are debilitating to me, Sal, and I do know that somehow though I would rather have done without them, they have shaped, contributed to the me.

As Margi said, I know how not to parent. I also spent a lot of time dealing with them in a more practical sense in my early twenties. I think about the past, it seems, in comparison to my own girls. I am relieved that they don't know what I knew and I am amazed that I had already experienced so much by their ages. Time has detatched me a bit, I think.

Anyway, I am glad, so very thankful, to have family, Sally, and to have you (and the fam) to help exchange for better currency ;D

Margi- awww, thank you.

Ith- it is very true.

Posted by: Rae at November 5, 2005 08:33 AM

Rae, these pieces of ourselves that never go away, but become less prominent, play so many roles in our lives - education, inspiration, motivation, determination, lots of other -ations. Reaching the point that you don't think about them every day is a blessing. I often tell people that, at best, those experiences just become part of your personal history, like what color eyes you have or who your first-grade teacher was. I am who I am and I am where I am because of the sum total of all these parts of my life - the good and the bad - and while I would never wish pain or suffering upon myself or anyone else, I wonder where I would be had my early life been different. I love who and where I am right now, so on some level, I am content with even the worst of it. I know not everyone comes to this place, but it seems that you have, and for that, I am grateful. Thank you for being brave enough to share this lesson with others.

Posted by: Alisha at November 5, 2005 10:45 AM

Rae, you have my respect and my admiration. May God continue to show His love and healing care on you and your beautiful family.

Posted by: Eduardo at November 5, 2005 04:34 PM


Thank you, Eduardo.

Posted by: Rae at November 6, 2005 11:31 AM
Post a comment

Remember personal info?