I really think that I

I really think that I have ADD. I am just really fortunate that they
didn't have such drugs for hyped up kids when I was little or they would have
been shoving pills down my tiny little second grade throat. I really do think
that I can't pay attention for very long. I have perfected the "I am just
fascinated" look so well that it automatically comes on when my mind really
starts thinking, "Get to the freakin' point!" I am a terrible listener. I
realize that it is not the most desirable personality trait and am desperately
trying to rid myself of this. My mother was wonderful at this. I would be half
way through my speech for 9th Grade Class President and she would say, "Do you
think that I should paper the bathroom or paint it?" She does it to this day. I
can hear the magazine/catalog pages turning while I am telling her my thoughts
on Global Warming over a Sunday afternoon telephone call. That's when I find
some silly, non-existent excuse to "let her go" and she politely, if not a
little too quickly concedes the death of the conversation. I am not offended by
it now, it's just who she is, but when I find myself doing the same thing to my
daughters, I remember how it made me feel so unimportant as a child to not even
garner the attention of my mother when I was sharing my life with her. So, I
have to make a conscious effort to stop what I am doing and look into their eyes
and/or anything they are showing me. That isn't to say that I let them dictate
my every action. I try to teach them respect for others (telephone, current
conversations, etc.). It's just a little "Be Here Now" philosophy that I have
added to my amalgamated child-rearing techniques. R is actually very good at it.
He incorporated it years ago. Of course, he is much more willing to "Be Here
Now" in the evenings after "being away all day." So, another challenge in my
life of needing space, time, tubbing, reading, and being the most wonderful, but
real mother my children could ever have.