October 23, 2005

In My Stall

I have decided what my novel will be entitled and I have a rough outline. The piece I posted a few days ago is a tiny part of a much larger writing that I simply must get out of my head.

My decision came in the bathroom of the theater. This weekend I went to see In Her Shoes. It was true that I had purchased a very tall Diet Coke and had to crawl across six very polite, patient people, but I also felt like I was struggling beneath a pillow placed firmly over my face; I was suffocating. By the time I got into a stall, I was nearly hyperventilating and I began to cry. I had a small conversation with myself, my back against the door, top two buttons of my jeans open, my hands rubbing my brow, my nose, my chin, over and over.

I have to write this story. I have to get it out of me. I have to pull it out of time and a backward space. God, I miss my grandmother. I miss knowing her as an adult granddaughter. I miss hearing her voice and knowing her story, the one that my mother only knows through the eyes of a disappointed little girl and a jaded woman. Where and how did it all begin? How did all these women ever get so f**ked up?.

I recommend the film. Full review forthcoming.

Posted by Rae at October 23, 2005 11:07 PM

It's a strange feeling of having to get what is inside you out on paper... I've known a lot of writers that felt the exact same way, but I don't completely get it. I'm not a writer, but I resonate with the need to get whatever is inside me out and transformed into physicality... Good luck with your book!

Posted by: Avra at October 27, 2005 07:31 PM

Oooh, I can't wait to read your novel, Rae, nor your full review of In Her Shoes. I saw it last week with my mother when she was visiting. We both read the book last year and were anxiously awaiting the movie release - we planned to see it together months in advance!

I'm glad to hear you're feeling inspired to move ahead with your writing! You have so much inside to share, and you share it so beautifully!

Posted by: Alisha at October 28, 2005 08:12 AM
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