February 19, 2004

Having four female daughters so

Having four female daughters so changes the
dynamics in our household. I sometimes wonder how a son or two thrown into the
pile would mix things up. We always wanted four children. We both came for
having only one other different sex sibling. R isn't close to his sister as she
has some..."problems." My brother is eleven years younger than I, so it has only
been in the past four or five years that we have gotten to be friends, not just
relatives. I wanted to have my children close together so they would have such
wonderful memories of growing up together. I was very lonely as a child. When my
brother finally came along I practically devoured him. I left the house when he
was four and I was secretly terrified that he would forget me, or worse, only
know me from my mother's spin. After R and I got married, I invited N (my
brother) to come and stay with us during his spring break. I think my mother
only allowed him to because she liked R so much and trusted that he, at least,
wouldn't let anything happen to N. It was fun. I rented movies. We went to the
St. Louis Science Center and to the Arch. We attempted to get him Cardinal
tickets, but were a little too late. So, we got him a Cardinal jersey instead.
He was happy. I was happy. Then my mother and I improved our own relationship
and that's when things for N and I took off. The trips to Edmond became more
frequent and they returned volley and spent a few holidays with us, too.
Finally, in August of 2001, my mother invited me to come with her and N to
Chicago on a family trip. It was the knot that secured the stitches I had
applied to our lives for the past 10 years. We commiserated about how our
mother, whom we dearly loved, made us crazy. We stayed up late talking music and
movies and books and college classes and how we had made it living with the
woman who made us both miserable and magnificent. We were staying in the Park
Hyatt with a lake view and right on Michigan Avenue. We went to several museums
and a few small tucked away restaurants. It was so relaxing: no children; no
work; no school. If there is one thing my family does do well, it's leisure. We
love to lay around and do nothing. Especially after doing a lot of something
else. I think we needed to be alone together away from all the material
reminders of our failures; our mistakes; our screw-ups. I will be forever
grateful to my mother for that trip because it made my brother and I more than
blood. We became friends.

Posted by Rae at February 19, 2004 03:05 PM

My wife and I "planned" on having our children no more than 4 years apart, but unfortunately it has been financial issues that has kept us from trying to have our second child. I would like my son to have a sibling he can related to on a level above being "relatives", as you said.

I'm in the middle between two sisters, one older by 3 years and another younger by 4. We're still working on the "friends" thing, but my younger sister and I relate on a level that I think only twins would understand, even if we don't interact on a regular basis.

It's scary.

Okay, now I'm not even sure what I just told you even relates to your blog. I'm just talking nonsense 10 hours into my 12 hour shift. I used to know this thing called sanity, but we've lost touch.


Posted by: Joe at March 19, 2005 01:14 PM
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