No thank you to the Twinkies

My third day with no coffee. Why? Well, in the last six years it seems my normally low blood pressure has gone into the high-normal range. And my cholesterol. It's 258. I am 5'8 1/2 and weigh 140. So, it isn't obesity or being overweight that is causing the high cholesterol and blood pressure.

My mother redefined time for herself a long time ago. The other day she commented that "we have always been able to talk." I stiffled a chortle and my silence propelled her on to other conversation. I love my mother and long ago forgave her, but in choosing to forgive, I also chose never to forget; thus not allowing myself to rewrite my own history.

My father, whom I never knew, never saw in flesh and blood, died of a heart attack at 38 and his father before him at 40. This I found out on my own initiative as my mother found it too painful or had simply "forgotten" the details of his life.

So, I am genetically predisposed to high cholesterol. It seems that my age has been before my eyes the past few weeks. R mentioned to me the other night that I am probably not ovulating every month; that my eggs are "running out." Now, my biological clock has been run through four times, but in that moment, I felt it. I felt what many women who have busied themselves with carrer, marriage or just life, had: time is no longer on my side. For a brief moment, I mourned my youthfulness in a way that hadn't occured to me previously.

I am choosing to attempt to lower my total fat intake and increase my physical activity (upping the walking to five days a week) in an effort to get the Ldl down and increase the Hdl. Taking Niacin and B-6, B-12, and Omega-3 (Fish Oil) is supposed to help, too. The odds of my total cholesterol going below 200 using this method are low. My physician told me that after six months, if it isn't down to a safe level, he really wants me to consider going on medication. At least I will have done my level best in attempting to do it myself. That seems to be the story of my life: overcoming tremendous odds. No matter. In the end, my daughters will know their story (and health) by truly knowing mine. No forgetting or rewriting going on here.