December 18, 2004

BlogRae Secrets: The untold story Day 3

This is your entrepid...intrepid... whatever... reporter Randy Thomas with the ETC news channel.

On day 3 behind the scenes of BlogRae we have discovered even more evidence of why Rae is such a "buzz"icon of the blogosphere. But before getting into today's report, let's recap. In the first to days we discovered:

There is no one and nothing in the closet to worry about.
Elvis is Rae's personal coach and also invented the blogosphere.
Rae is involved in some sort of mystical negative energy releasing macrame cult led by Elvis

Today's report will be no less revealing. It may even change your life. It certainly did this reporter's ... roll tape...

::: camera approaches a gihugeic door with a #2 painted at least 9 feet tall. The camera approaches the door which automatically swings open automatically with a seriously haunting creek. The view inside the door is pitch black and the only thing you can see are the next two or three stair steps heading downward. Handheld camcorder swings around to reveal Randy... :::

This looks scary, but we MUST press on to discover the mysteries behind BlogRae!

::: with steely determination the camera swings back to view the stairs and shakily the descent begins. 10 steps, 20 steps .. 50 steps later we reach the bottom of the stairs and the basement of BlogRae... Randy says... :::

Hello? Anybody here?

::: a match strikes about 10 feet away and a bright candle is lit revealing the face of SASQUATCH with an ear to ear grin revealing ferocious teeth. Randy screams like a little girl and runs the other direction. The SASQUATCH follows muttering something. The camera is bouncing like a Blair Witch Movie with Randy's sobs being recorded...he turns a corner and there like a big thick California Redwood tree but only purple is a dinosaurish leg. Unable to stop his forward momentum Randy crashes into the leg. Camera flies out of hand and as it crashes to the ground there is the brief appearance of some Jurassic park looking creature...all goes black ::::

::: camera comes back on :::

Sassie: "Oh look Nessie I got the thing to turn on. I sure hope this funny human will wake up soon. If I have to call an ambulance it will be difficult to finish our makeovers."
Nessie: "Is he breathing?"
Sassie: "Oh yes, ::: camera swings down to reveal Randy with his hair in little braids sticking up everywhere ::: I noticed a good size goose egg but he should be ok."
Nessie: "Do you think he will mind you doing that to his hair?"
Sassie: "I hope's so cute."

::: as if on cue Randy wakes up :::

Randy: "uh smells like ... smells like Jasmine shampoo...what the...OH MY GOSH!!!"
Nessie: "Shh shh little one it is ok..."
Randy: "OK>>>> you are the Loch Ness Monster and why is Sasquatch cradling me like a baby! ::: whimper ::: don't eat me please?"
Sassie: "Eat you? Eating humans is just a myth of our marketing campaigns back in the 70's. Plus, after Rae's advice we are now known as Sassie and Nessie. And before you ask, yes I am a girl. We heard you interviewed Elvis so feel free to ask us a couple of questions."

::: Randy straightens up and takes the camera. Sassie moves over to Nessie who drops her 3 story neck to allow her ginormous head to be in camera view with Sassie :::

Randy: "Well ok then...Why would two famous monsters be in the basement of BlogRae?"

::: Sassie adjusts the brilliant "so this season" pink bow in her hair and then lifts a compact mirror to get the matching lipstick off her right fang :::

Nessie: "I don't know if you noticed but no one talks about us anymore..."
Sassie: "So humiliating..."
Nessie: "...we needed an image overhaul and came to Rae for an extreme makeover."
Sassie: "Rae is da' bomb."

Randy: "What are some things Rae has recommended?"

Sassie: "Well I had never thought of hair extensions and an extensive hair treatment program. No more stringy lanky! We went for full and luxurious. I so want to be Chewbacca loveable. He's such a hottie. ::: leans in toward the camera ::: HEY CHEWIE baby! Call me!"
Nessie: "I am on a strict vegetarian diet with vitamin supplements, my skin tone has gone from a pale lavendar to a deep rich eggplant."
Sassie: "Nessie is a hottie now too!"
Nessie: "Oh stop it ::: blushing but you can't tell, she's purple :::

Randy: "So how are you going to make it back into the headlines?"

Sassie: "I'm going to marry Chewbacca as soon as he proposes."
Nessie: "I'm going to stomp on Barney and take over his show."

Randy: "Thank you ladies, I wish you success on the revitalizing of your careers and on stomping Barney."

Sassie and Nessie: "Thank you! Rae is da' bomb!"

::: Back to live shot of Randy with the braids still in his hair :::

Well there you have it. Two spawns of satan or huggable monsters? You decide.

More tomorrow on BlogRae Secrets: The Untold Story. Randy Thomas out, back to guest blogging team.

Posted by Rae at December 18, 2004 03:40 PM

Randy, you really need to be writing some fiction- this is so funny and very creative.

Thanks for the fashion accolades (said while smoothing my wide wale chocolate cords, cream cashmere sweater [bought second hand, ya know, but I did get it cleaned], and adjusting my lovely new bracelet).....I do hope to make a difference in the world....

Posted by: Rae at December 18, 2004 11:58 PM
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